Chelsea Jonghee Choi (2 days old)(please do not copy, download, or use this image)
May 9, 8:00 Am
On Wednesday afternoon, we went to the hospital to see our three children. Chase & Charissa's condition hadn't change, and sadly enough, neither did Chelsea's. Dr. Troyer tracked us down with the bad news. Chelsea had only a 20% chance of survival and a 100% certainty that she would have severe mental disabilities; she would not be able to talk, have no motor skills, limited, if any sight or hearing, and would not be able to feed herself. Dr. Troyer suggested that we give her hospice care and let pass away. Yu Ran & I were completely devastated. We had another family worship time with Chelsea. We sang her favorite songs, 'God is so Good' and 'Great is Thy Faithfulness,' I preached from her favorite passage, Psalm 139, and then we all prayed. We decided to go to Yu Ran's parent's Prayer Center (Gidowon) and pray through the night one last time. We went home first to pack our belongings, then stopped by to see Chelsea one more time...
On our way to the hospital, Chelsea had an 'episode.' Dr. Troyer called us and asked us if we wanted to revive her. We said, "yes," and sped our way to Chelsea's side. Her blood pressure was far below normal and Dr. Troyer told us that her chances of survival were 15% or less. My wife called her dad to come down quickly and my wife and I had agreed without speaking a word, to let her go...
We had another family worship. We sang her favorite songs about 4 times over. I preached to her from Psalm 139 and Philippians 4:13, then I baptized my own child. When Yu Ran's father came (an old-style revivalist preacher) he suggested that we keep God's promise to God and simply go to the Prayer Center and make the decision in the morning. Yu Ran was scared that Chelsea might pass away in the night without her and didn't want to leave the bedside. After much discussion, we decided to stay in the hospital and pray all night in a private room reserved for parents in our situation.
In our haste to get to Chelsea, I had left the car in the atrium circle. I went to park the car and get some belongings to make our stay a little more comfortable. As soon as I parked the car, Yu Ran called me. Chelsea had another episode and was crashing... ...I ran as fast as I could to be with Chelsea and my family. I can never forget the sight. Our doctor with about 6-8 nurses trying to revive our little child.
God had given us the answer. He had called Chelsea home. They sat my wife down in a rocking chair, and put Chelsea in her arms. We sang to her, read Scripture and prayed. During Chelsea's treatment, they had covered her eyes to protect them. This time they had uncovered them and we were able to see her beautiful face... ...As Yu Ran sang "God is so Good," she opened her eyes and tracked mommy's voice. Then when I knelt down beside her and sang "Great is thy faithfulness," she tracked daddy's voice. What a wonderful last gift from God & Chelsea. We didn't cry at all during these last moments. God had known how difficult this would be and we simple enjoyed holding our child for the last hour of her life... ...she passed away in mommy's arms around 8:30PM Wedesday night, only 12 days old.
The next day, we took Chelsea to a private burial site. With Chelsea's body, Yu Ran & I conducted our final family worship with Chelsea. Same scripture, same songs, same prayers, this time with many tears... Afterward we had a funeral service with immediate family & then buried her.
We buried her around 12PM on Thursday. Both of us are still reeling from this experience. We still can not believe that she is gone. When we went to the hospital to visit Chase & Charissa, they referred them as the Kim twins--no longer the Kim triplets. Instead of visiting three different pod sites (rooms where NICU babies are kept), we only visited Pod B and Pod D. Pod F was no longer a destination for us...
...we are in mourning and we are exhausted. Although having guests would be uplifting we have no time. Our days and nights consist of Yu Ran pumping (lactating) every 3 -4 hours 24/7, and us making visits to the hospital. In between, we pray, cry, try to eat, and I attempt to take care of the ministries that the Lord has given to me... ...we have not had one good night sleep since the birth of our children. ...Please understand when we are unable to reply. We don't have the time or the energy.
But we appreciate your voice mails, postings, facebook encouragments. Please don't stop these. My wife and I so much enjoy reading them. Your prayers and encouragements are our source of strength.
God's ways are mysterious and we praise Him... ...Goodbye Chelsea, thank you for being such a beautiful and wonderful daughter. Daddy & Mommy love you and we miss you very much...
In Tears,
Young & Yu Ran
14 comments:
I cannot stop crying now. but I will pray for Chase and Charissa--Kim Twins soon after my eyes dried. We think of your family here in Madison.
Jimin
From your great love to His great love... she was loved, she is loved. But still, Elizabeth and I, we are in tears. Sweet, brave, beautiful Chelsea. We are in tears.
We pray that God gives you comfort, Young and Yu Ran... that He surround you and fill you with His peace, and also with His strength to continue the long and difficult journey ahead. Chelsea dances now with His angels, and she will put her courage and her fight into you and into Chase and into Charissa.
I look forward to getting to know your daughter Chelsea in heaven. She is God's child and in His care, as a child of the covenant promises. May God give you even more hope and peace, and though we grieve and mourn together, we hope together in Christ.
I'm so sorry Pastor Young. Please keep up your strength and remain the conduit of hope and faith to Yuran noonah. Though the road ahead is uncertain, we are certain of the many blessings to come. I will continue to pray for you and your family...
Pastor Young and Yu Ran. I'm sorry. My heart grieves with you. You both were such a blessing to Chelsea. You both pointed her to God every moment and showed her such tender care.
Dear Lord, you know the burden of our hearts. Lord, I know that you continue to care for Chelsea. Would you also heal Young and Yu Ran's hearts as they grieve and continue to give them strength? Thank you that we can know, as Chelsea knows, that you are good. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your precious daughter's life.
Goodbye Chelsea. You are a lovely daughter of Christ. He loves you so much.
Dear Young and Yu Ran,
Thanks for informing me when Chelsea was saying goodbye. It was the saddest moment in a long long time. Rest assure that she is now in a place where we all long for and we'll see her once again. There will always be the Kim's triplets. Chelsea will always be there in our hearts and will be there with her beloved mom, dad, brother and sister. We continue to pray that you stay strong for Chase and Charissa. May God's comforting and healing hands be laid upon you, Yu Ran and the little ones.
We miss you, Chelsea.
With love,
Danny, Margaret and Curtis
It's pretty amazing how God uses people. I can't say this enough. It's kind of weird saying that Chelsea has ministered to so many people because we have never met her and spoken with her ourselves. But that just goes to prove how miraculous she is and how powerful and sovereign our God is. She has helped so many people rethink their faiths and grow stronger with the Lord. Seriously, WHAT AN ANGEL. Stay strong and your family is always in my prayers.
She is so beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss.
Kevin
언니. 저 가연이에요. 계속 경민언니랑 통화하면서 언니랑 목사님 안부 묻고있었어요. 그리고 오늘 경민언니랑 통화하면서 너무 마음이 아파서 정말 무슨 말을 해야할지도 어떻게 말을 건내야할지도 모르겠더라구요. 말이라는게 이렇게 힘들다고 생각한적이 없었는데 참 가슴이 너무 아픔니다.
유란언니 그리고 영목사님. 제가 어떤 위로의 말이나 어떤 위로의 행동을 할 수 있겠어요. 단지 정말 제가 할 수있는 일은 하나님께 기도하는 것 밖에 없음이 안타깝고 슬프지만 계속 할께요. 정말 언니와 목사님, 그리고 사랑하는 종민이와 종혜를 위해 기도하께요. 이 journey가 계속되는 한 가연, 철호, 혜연, 찬우의 응원은 멈추지 않을께요.
God is good
Dear Pastor Young and samonim
I pray that God will give you strength, both spiritual and physical so that you can endure through this long journey with your children.
I am with you in heart.
If you need anything, please let me know. I was planning to pay you a visit but I decided it wasn't a right time.
Your belief in God's goodness is also encouraging to me because as you know I've been in worries with my dad for 2 years now.
Thank you for your encouragement even when yourselves are in hard times.
this was really sad but an amazing story, God is still good
Dear brother,
I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and Yu Ran.
Jin Chong
Pastor Young
all of ur blogs of ur children's struggle touched me alot and this one of them that touched me a whole lot. Yes, it is sad but God is always with you and i'll pray for you and your wife and for charissa and chase.
Pastor Young, Yuran nuna,
I am sorry...
Both of you, Chase, Charissa and Chelsea are in my prayers.
God is good.
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